Goals in the New Year

When you set a "new year's resolution" the first 2 weeks it is all forces forward to accomplish and maintain this new resolution. Well that is why I really don't set resolutions. I set GOALS.
Perhaps it is the same thing, but I think it is different.
It is something I want to complete, I am not changing horrible habits or setting great expectations that cannot be reached. To me it is something that is attainable. The goals may be hard, but it is still something I can work towards.

The hard work doesn't bother me, but the idea that it should be done correctly. This is where my frustrations begin. By asking for help and not hearing any responses to I continue forward or do I wait for the help?
Asking for help to me is not a sign of weakness. But it is more frustrating for me when I ask for help and don't receive help. Why did I ask for help in the first place?

As the New Year does provide for opportunity  to start new. Maybe these goals I have set should include asking for help and being okay when help does not arrive.

Change (noun): the act or instance of making or becoming different.

"Change" the word can mean so much to people. Making a positive change within your life takes courage. Courage because you face a world of unknowns! The change start has a dream or a wish- something that may not have substance or a plan. As the idea of a change becomes more real and apparent a "plan" for how to execute the change is formulated.

This plan takes courage, determination, and confidence. Confidence because with change comes the unknown. Some say the unknown is the great adventure ahead and some question the unknown.

As Christians we are reminded:

"For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

But we are always reminded to: 

"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs gives comfort to the unknowns when facing change because it reminds believers that when you are loving God, trusting God and following what He asking, God, the creator of the universe, is showing you what to do.

That is something AMAZING. Knowing all this, is comforting but as humans, the unknown can still be scary. I find that the confidence that God gives sometimes can be shaken by the questions of people around me. 

I strive to be confident in the decisions I make, but when questions of "what" and "why" are asked, I see the foundation start to shake and my confidence start to deteriorate. 

In the pure content these statements are not negative or even worth shaking a firm foundation. However, language is more then a monotone statement. The tone, the body language and intonations produces more than "just a question." 

SO.. 
I remove myself from the environment of questions. Remind myself of who I am. And cling to scripture and the foundation that God has created while embracing the CHANGE ahead.  

Injured

Sitting at home for so long, sure some might say it's nice, but it is a bit of solitude that you can't explain to anyone. Hearing what other people are doing, seeing what other people are doing through the various social media sites.. it make you contemplate: what are you doing with your life?
Of course I don't think I am doing anything wrong or right. It is just a questions that you sit around and think about.
I can think of a few friends that I just want to wrap my arms around and say everything will be okay. Well it may not be "okay" and it may turn into a new "normal" but the thought is that I am "THERE FOR THEM"
Sure I have great friends, but how many times can you ask the same question. Questions do nothing, but make you feel the same. Actions truly do speak louder then words.

I hope that the lesson that I learn from all this, my actions speak louder then words. That I am truly acting out actions that will inspire hope and aid in healing. I want to say from the bottom of my heart.. I WILL: followed by an action word.

Difference

Just uttering the words "pediatric nurse" makes ears perk up and looks of "wow"
Not because people think it is a bad job or oh she is in it for the money.. More "how sad to see a child suffering" type responses. 
I have never known how to respond to a person when they say "how do you do that, it must be so hard" my response has become almost an auto response of: "well kids recovery so quickly it's not that bad." or " it's just so great to see when the kids get better"
But really I am thinking.... "really people, it's a job!!!!"

Then after my frustration with stupid people rubs off and I think of Jude 22: and some having compassion making a difference.

How in the world can I make a difference with that attitude.. Oh yeah I Can't - wonderful
Note to self the Job I do is hard, stressful and at times heartbreaking but part of my responsibility as your child's nurse is to be a support for you during the worst expernece you and your child may go through.
I am not sure if I can tell you 100% why I went into pediatric intensive care..
 But I do know that everyday I put myself out there loving you and your child knowing I will build a bond with you to possibly never see you again.

In the end my prayer will always be that you saw someone having compassion and made a difference.

High School

High School... At one point in life you will experience this great place of events, classes, cliques, friends, sports, exploration and a time of figuring out how comfortable you really are in your own skin.

For me... High school was the hardest, ickiest, don't every want to return/ relive experience.... BUT in my dream world I think it's awesome, I have friends and everything is sunshine and rainbows!
Granted during high school I was an anxious, somewhat perfectionist, not sure I fit in kid. I wanted to be cool and have friends, but at heart I was "a good kid" that respected authority. what conflicting ideas ran through my mind was always a underlining confidence issue.

Anyone for the Corrina, Corrina Movie:
"I am Molly Singer, and there is no one in the world better than me."

It was a quote my mom had me repeat many times during my high school days: "I am Rachel Henry and there is no one in the world better than me."

My HS celebrated it's 25 anniversary and invited their alumni. I was so excited, but how odd it was when all my fears, anxieties and insecurities came flooding back to me when I saw the cheer coach, the elated high schoolers being goofy and watching the game. My excitment for seeing old "friends" and being apart of my HS history all went out the window and I completely clammed up and returned to internalizing my feelings!- something I have desperately worked on NOT doing!
Stange how something almost 10yrs ago still brings me a type of anxiety and insecurity, I mean really.. I am doing okay. I have a college degree, work full time and I got married.
 Maybe I don't have 2000 followers on twitter or whatever qualifies someone to be cool and popular. My phone may not have multiple text messages from people who want to get together and yeah I have days that my phone doesn't ring, but at the end of the day... I am a god daughter, sister, wife -who is loved.

So high school is over and I still have insecurity issues... But maybe it is just those people missing out on a person that cares deeply and does happy dances for the sick kiddos she works with.
Who is to say I am wrong when I quote my favorite movie "I am Rachel Henry and there is no one in the world better than me."

Plan Noun: A detailed proposal for doing or achieving something.

When you talk to a young adult, early on in his career, you will references to "my plan" for his ambitions in life.

When you speak with a young couple you will also hea about their plans for the future together. 

We are a society or even more broad a nation with plans. A way to get from point "a" to point "b"

The funny thing about a plan is everything has to follow the plan for it to be exequited properly. How many people are taught on how to prepare for "the plan" that goes off course?

As I have been learning life is a journey and sometimes we have sit in the moments that were hard and unplanned. People look over the hard times and just call them "life lessons"

It takes a special person to sit in the hard times along someone. It takes a strong person to sit in the hard times and learn the lesson or even just to reexamine the situation. 

As much as I would have loved to stick to the plan... However, it didn't happen. Life, this journey, "the plan" well it changed and I suppose I changed as well.

I will never know what it would be like if things were different because this is the road I'm taking. Not even sure if this "the road less taken." what I do know is I am leaning to sit through the hard times and my "plan" is ever in a state of change.

Staying Busy

All year people look forward to the Summer!
the slower pace, the hot weather, vacations, the best way to describe it "summery things"

With September around the corner and my sister and dad working hard to get ready for "Back to School" I start thinking about my summer, and "summery things"

What exactly did i do this Summer?? it behooves me to say "NOTHING" because really that does not at all describe the things i may or may not have accomplished.

Approximately 300hours of Hospital Work, with yet more hours on call waiting for patient to get sick..
3 Seasons of Grey's Anatomy
2 Season of Flash Point
All 4 Season of White Collar
3 8hours of Embroidery Class
Plus all my extra projects, mending and just for fun stuff- who knows how many hours there
Sadly to say no beach or really pool hours this summer
One trip to Catalina with the In-Laws... need a say more
2 Birthday Parties
2 Video/Photo Shoots for my lovely friend Candice for her upcoming awesome website!
Many wonderful hours chatting with friends, problem solving issues, and most importantly LOVING on my husband!

So to say that this summer I did NOTHING.. well that is pretty much a lie. But when i try to tell a story of an awesome vacation or how tan i got.. that won't actually happen.
Who cares i am happy with my summer.